Self Analysis
This paper will be discussing who I am through a self-analysis that uses the Five-Factor Model of Personality and personal reflection. I will explore the genetic factors of my personality as well as examine my motives and needs. I will discuss my pattern of emotions and my emotional reactions as well as examine relevant aspects of my self. Then I will finish up by looking at my overall personality and my social interactions.
According to the Five-Factor Model of Personality, my behavior in social situations is average extroversion showing agreeableness and friendliness to be also scaled as average, in relation to my interaction with others. I have a relatively high conscientiousness to be organized and persistent with my goals. I try to be as methodical as I can about everything I do as much as my environment around me will let me, without letting it get to me that everything everyone else does can’t be organized. I have a relatively low neuroticism level despite my surmounting stress levels I seem to always put upon myself. While having a relatively high amount of openness that allows me to see things from as many different perspectives as I can.
Genetically, I am made up of bull-headed, highly intuitive, opinionated ways. I am a product of my environment and I can see both my mother and my father in me. I am an only child of a broken family and a broken home. However, we always have been happily dysfunctional, as my mother would always say. Both of my parents raised me to be highly independent. They did such a great job of it that I actually have a hard time excepting help from others because I’m always looking for the letdown or catch, so I end up doing things myself. Both of my parents have a great humorous side, so no matter what the problem is, humor is always the go-to. No matter what the issue, laughter is always the best medicine. Socially my parents are both extroverts, though my mom is more guarded than my dad. They are both more trusting than I am. Having grown up watching their decisions I have made it a point to have a persona that I use on a daily basis. I tend to only speak to people I feel good ‘vibes’ from and ignore all others and I will only become trusting when my guard is down, but to get my guard down is a hard task. I tend to look at my parents as a road map that I can follow and also use for specific detours that can help me avoid certain roads I don’t want to take.
My motives and needs have been my driving force all my life. I have always been after the family life. The family aspect that I had before my grandmother died and my family fell apart, because that was a time I remember as being good and happy. However, there is something to be said for being careful what you wish for, it’s not always what you really want; having grown up so independently, it is hard for me to adapt to that sort of co-dependent style now. My need to be loved and feel needed is also a huge driving factor for me. In my personal relationships, I tend to look for guys who are mirror images of my father and women who are mirror images of my mother. Since I can remember I have been there to help and support my parents and they have always shown me great love and affection. So I find that in most social situations I gravitate to the alcoholic/drug addict who needs love and help (my dad) and/or the woman that is emotionally unstable and needs a confidence booster (my mom). I then fulfill my need to be loved and needed by swooping into the rescue. Sometimes it works, sometimes it turns into an epic fail, but I try none the less because that has become my motive and drive.
My functional analysis of my emotional states is that I have an emotional trait to become overwhelmed and break down when I become too stressed. That does not happen too often at all. As I tend not to be an over-emotional person at all, things are mostly clear cut, black and white to me. Either you want to do something or you don’t, etc. To me, life is a series of events that we must live through. Once the event in our life has happened and/or heartache dealt or enjoyment felt, it is over. We are only left with the memory to reflect on and process and learn from. If we can not accept it, deal with it, and move on then we become stuck and I have made it one of my life goals to not get stuck in any one period of my life. I try to stay as emotionally positive as I can though I usually come across in social situations as abrasive, cold, tactless, and too blunt. I tend to like these attributes about myself but others find them to be negative in nature. I have always been like this; though through the years, it has become even more a staple of who I am as opposed to just being a way that I could be. This is so, because over the years I have grown increasingly impatient with adult stupidity. When I was younger I could handle a certain level of it with stride due to the age of my peers but now I just cannot handle it. That is not to say that I cannot handle individuality and difference of opinion, I can.
Some of my most relevant aspects of myself are the fact that I am so strong-willed and determined. I know myself. I know who I am, where I’ve been, where I want to go, I know my limitations, my expectations of myself, what I can and cannot do, and what I will and will not do. I have faith in myself and those that I choose to have in my life. I have great self-esteem; I know how smart I am, how pretty I am, and how amazing I am. I can handle criticisms as long as they are constructive and based on something, cruelty is different and I dish back what is dished to me. I am a firm believer in getting what you give. I have no issues coping with negative events. Death is something that is inevitable. It’s extremely sad when it comes out of nowhere but it is a fact and part of life. I can deal with it and since I have managed to come to terms with death I think I can also handle any other negative attribute to life. It’s honestly, the positive things in life that I sometimes have the most trouble with, I’m always looking for the catch. That would be my downfall, my flaw. I also have a high self-complexity level. I am to one person in a different way than I am to another. I have divided my personality up into five categories: everyday me, daughter me, playful me, intelligent me, and vengeful me. Each one has there purpose.
Lastly, my personality in social situations is generally that of the persona that I have created, being a fun-loving, and humorous tom-boy for when I am around a predominately male environment or a gossip girl around women. Having created this persona it has made it easier for me to be in social situations since prior to creating it I was shy and stand-offish. I don’t generally like meeting new people. I am unique in my thinking, beliefs, and ideas and most people seemed to find them weird when I was growing up so I discovered what most men like in a girl when she is around and centered a persona for when I have to be in those male predominant social situations and a persona that encompasses what women usually find socially acceptable for times when I’m around mostly women. This way no one who doesn’t know me can’t attack attributes about me that would really hurt me. I have found this to work best. It also allows me to see who really wants to get to know me and I go from there.
While I know I still have a lot of work still to do on my self, I am proud of how in-tune I am with myself and how far I have come over the years in adjusting to the ways I have needed to be and still keeping who I am intact. It’s a balancing act but as long as I keep in mind who I am and what I want then ill always know where I’m going and that I’ll get there.
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