My life, as I have said, has been one that has traveled down the Hard Knocks Rd. and I choose that rd. I choose that rd. a long time ago and I did so knowing full well, even at a young age just what that meant. I have seen and understood death from age 7 and I have been ok with it ever since I met it. It comes, to everything, animated and inanimate so there is no reason to fear it; it is the only true inevitability. Life is not inevitability, it is a choice that most don’t make, or cherish, or even realize what it is to live. I have seen the destruction of selves that weren’t even selves because they put the stalk in people/things other than themselves and I learned then that my self is too important to let someone else have. I have seen exactly what an ego is and just what it can do to anyone and it is as close to the definition of a devil as a definition can get; so I sought to meet mine and sit it in a chair at my meeting circle in my mind. I like to keep close tabs on my ego, give that girl an inch and she’ll run forever. I have seen people believe heavily in scarce love and time, and in the inevitability of all things, and filling up on no solutions like they were a pair of shoes that would get worn out and go out of style within a week. I am surrounded by a “pea soup” of negativity and I’m patiently waiting for my idea’s time to come marching around. The idea that I am god, and we all are god, and we all don’t need to look any further then the mirror to answer any problem, others will never know us like we can know ourselves if we take the time to introduce ourselves to our selves.
Before I even read the paragraph in Werner Erhard's document about the Hunger Project, I said “I am a body of context that is full of content”. Some of my content conflicts with some of my other content, they go to wars with each other at times but the essence stays the same. I am as much god as god is god.
So to evaluate my life based on his document that he created to drum up notification of his ego, the Hunger Project, (I have an ego too, she’s my blog, so I know an ego when I see it/read it) is actually interesting in a superficial way but insulting in a, really!?! But I’ve done that already in my own content.
While it may be hard to believe, people I talk to have a hard time wrapping their brains around my philosophies, I already knew that nothing is scarce it's only not practiced or utilized correctly due to conditioning done by societal impositions. Long, long ago fears generated by the unknown created religions, economics, and politics and with those 3 came the unconnected way of life we live today that allows the few smart people out there to laugh at the Pixar movie Wall-E.
In relation to me personally, I give love to whomever for whatever reason I feel it/they deserve to be given it because it is not scarce just like dislike is not scarce for things/people that I don’t feel fit into my nice little world. My “heart” does not stop feeling because I’m afraid I’ll run out of love if I give it all to one person; there’s always plenty. As well as with my time, I do not honestly think I don’t have enough time, yes it will suck if I drop dead tonight, but I only can blame my own mismanagement of it if I don’t make a “deadline”. This is one of the reasons I have patience and am ok with the fact that when I achieve my goals then I have achieved them. When my ideas, dreams, aspirations, come to fruition then it is their time. At that time then, like the author says “whatever I do will work and I will do what works”.
I am also extremely conscious of the fact that there is no such thing as inevitability only choices we make and the choices others make to our choices. Again societal conditioning has given birth to the perceived notion of inevitability because we see one person react a certain way to a particular situation and we assume (always making an ass out of ourselves) that is the way we should all react and if someone should step outside of the proverbial box we condemn them to hell. As if such a place really exists like it’s a place in
My “pea soup” is that of my friends, family, and co-workers and it is a “pea soup” because much like a Hollywood C listers, everyone needs to know my business, talk about my business, have an idea about my business, and suggest ways to change my business as if they need to be in my business. I wouldn’t mind so much if they knew what it was that they were making their business but much like the game ‘telephone’ nothing ever comes back the same way it went out. So they again tend to make assumptions that lend to wasted air. This is why I have thick skin.
In terms of the context I see myself generating for myself in the next 5 years, which is yet to be determined exactly. I have my goals in mind and I am taking steps to achieve my goals financially and scholastically. In the next 5 years, I would like my context to become full of more uplifting content. I would like to generate more uplifting content by putting myself and my family in a more peaceful environment. While I know I am talking about my family and friends when I say this, I would love to cut out the dead weight so that I can move forward with a little less baggage in my content and more ease to move around in my own skin/context. I am absolutely aware of the fact that I have consciously made the choice to have these people in my life and I do not regret those choices, even with my parents cause I could have said screw you both, I’m taking care of me, but they are my parents and while they weigh on me like I have more children I love them because they are who they are. I cannot change any of my “projects” I can only hope to help them better their thinking so that they will be able to not need me and I will be able to say ok.
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